Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth.
In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will, so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of his glory. In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory.
Ephesians 1:3-14
My heart is joyful in reading this passage. To know that the Lord planned the gospel story of salvation before time began and set it forth on the stage of history. What a glorious and loving Father we have who brings us into his redemptive story as a joy and delight to him for the sole purpose of his glory. I am blessed by a Father who gently reminds me of my worth in Him alone and romances my soul. It has been such a blessing over the past 4 years to see the Lord take me from a place of legalistic Christianity to a Spirit filled joyful relationship with the Father. Thank you Lord for your plan and timing and training. I pray that I would continue to walk patiently in this life knowing the Father is in full control and has a micro plan for my life that lines up perfectly with His LARGE plan for eternity.
Praying for a trusting and faithful heart moment by moment.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Friday, April 20, 2012
Life and Death
This week has been rough and sweet. The week started off well with an afternoon of laziness with my beautiful daughter, Ady and good friend, Teri. We enjoyed just hanging out and not having a care in the world. This changed quickly as I went back to work on Tuesday. Without going into detail, a friend passed on to be with the Lord. There are many other circumstances surrounding this story that I am intentionally leaving out, but understand that this was very difficult for me. After a day of being numb and on autopilot to simply get things done, the Lord provided a sweet and emotional moment right before bed. As I was praying, I was led to read the two blogs that I follow (both of whom have premature babies in the NICU and have lost other babies from the same pregnancy), mareandreid.blogspot.com and bryanandrobynadams.blogspot.com. Finally, after a day of pent up emotion while reading the day’s thoughts and journey’s of these other two women, I was able to let the flood gates open. I cried and cried....I think I even scared Michael a little (LOL). What healing crying can bring.
All week I have been thinking of the circumstances surrounding Tuesday and have been thinking about how glorious it is that when we die as Christians, we are ushered into God's presence....the real thing, not some ethereal heaven place, but actually to be with our LORD. What a sweet and POWERFUL thing that is. As I continue to read the above mentioned blogs and ponder over this week, Brook Frasier's song C.S. Lewis Song encourages me to know that life after death is abundant life, life now is meant to be lived, and all the while God is in control.
Enjoy the lyrics...
If I find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy,
I can only conclude that I was not made for here
If the flesh that I fight is at best only light and momentary,
then of course I'll feel nude when to where I'm destined I'm compared
[CHORUS:]
Speak to me in the light of the dawn
Mercy comes with the morning
I will sigh and with all creation groan as I wait for hope to come for me
Am I lost or just less found? On the straight or on the roundabout of the wrong way?
is this a soul that stirs in me, is it breaking free, wanting to come alive?
Cos my comfort would prefer for me to be numb
And avoid the impending birth of who I was born to become
[BRIDGE:]
For we, we are not long here
Our time is but a breath, so we better breathe it
And I, I was made to live, I was made to love, I was made to know you
Hope is coming for me
Hope, He's coming
All week I have been thinking of the circumstances surrounding Tuesday and have been thinking about how glorious it is that when we die as Christians, we are ushered into God's presence....the real thing, not some ethereal heaven place, but actually to be with our LORD. What a sweet and POWERFUL thing that is. As I continue to read the above mentioned blogs and ponder over this week, Brook Frasier's song C.S. Lewis Song encourages me to know that life after death is abundant life, life now is meant to be lived, and all the while God is in control.
Enjoy the lyrics...
If I find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy,
I can only conclude that I was not made for here
If the flesh that I fight is at best only light and momentary,
then of course I'll feel nude when to where I'm destined I'm compared
[CHORUS:]
Speak to me in the light of the dawn
Mercy comes with the morning
I will sigh and with all creation groan as I wait for hope to come for me
Am I lost or just less found? On the straight or on the roundabout of the wrong way?
is this a soul that stirs in me, is it breaking free, wanting to come alive?
Cos my comfort would prefer for me to be numb
And avoid the impending birth of who I was born to become
[BRIDGE:]
For we, we are not long here
Our time is but a breath, so we better breathe it
And I, I was made to live, I was made to love, I was made to know you
Hope is coming for me
Hope, He's coming
Monday, April 16, 2012
Sanctification, Sin, and Lies of the Enemy
I use to think that as I progressed in the Christian life, I would finally arrive someday at a place where I had mastered all things. I felt as though I could attain my perfection by living under the law. It has been several years now since the Lord completely re-shaped my mindset and understanding of what the Christian life truly looks like.
Romans 3:20 says:
"For by works of the law no human being will be justified in his sight, since through the law comes knowledge of sin."
By trying to obey rules and regulations (established by myself and some of the so called "Christian Community") I was actually falling deeper and deeper into sin. My righteousness was in all actuality idolatry of self. I wanted to be perfect and have a certain spiritual life. Instead, the Lord provided me with 2 agonizing years of begging and pleading for His nearness while I tried everything humanly possible to situate myself well before God. Little did I know, I would NEVER be able to make myself right before the Lord. One day, the Lord decided to speak and break down the veil that laid over my legalistic and breaking heart. He revealed to me that HE is enough! He paid the debt for all my sin and now I am called to live a NEW life fully led by the Spirit of God. A life in which I no longer hold the reins, but where God has complete control.
In this walk, the enemy tries his best to scheme and throw me off track. In fact, many times I have given into the lies of the enemy not realizing that he was the one speaking. I have found myself (like in my last post) not relying on the Lord's provision and will. I find myself seeking for goals and dreams that the Lord has given me, but in a way that brings discontentment for where I am now. The Lord has placed mighty dreams in my heart that have shaped who I am and the way I think, but because I am not seeing the fulfillment of these dreams as of yet, I often believe the lie that I am not doing all the Lord has planned for me. This brings shame and anguish into my heart.
After hearing Lee Lewis (one of my pastors at The Village Church) speak, I now have a mighty tool for holding steadfast against Satan's schemes. Lee talked about how at a certain point in his life, he sat down at a Starbucks to prepare for a day of ministry and all of a sudden he heard a voice (not audible) saying "I wonder if you could make another woman love you like your wife does?" Lee immediately knew this was an attack of the enemy and began to press into the Lord for strength and for Him to remove the voice. Additionally, Lee contacted via text several friends in order for them to pray for him and know what was going on. As Lee went about his day, the voice subsided. However, around lunch time he heard the same voice with a different message saying, "how can you be a spiritual leader for people and yet you struggle with temptation like this morning?" Again, Lee held steadfastly to the gospel believing that He was made right because of Christ and not because of any human act. He also knew that the voice this morning was Satan's scheme and not something Lee was actually struggling with. Instead of allowing the enemy an inch of ground, Lee stood strong knowing that he is a NEW man in Christ Jesus. The Lord has and continues to sanctify Lee so that he is able to stand on the truth of the gospel and proclaim it over himself daily.
This story spoke to me in mighty ways. I now know that I am able to stand firm against these voices that bring accusation and condemnation. They are not voices to be listened to or entertained, but rather voices that are to be stood up against knowing the truth of the gospel. May the gospel be the shaping tool for our lives, not a pursuit of perfection.
Romans 3:20 says:
"For by works of the law no human being will be justified in his sight, since through the law comes knowledge of sin."
By trying to obey rules and regulations (established by myself and some of the so called "Christian Community") I was actually falling deeper and deeper into sin. My righteousness was in all actuality idolatry of self. I wanted to be perfect and have a certain spiritual life. Instead, the Lord provided me with 2 agonizing years of begging and pleading for His nearness while I tried everything humanly possible to situate myself well before God. Little did I know, I would NEVER be able to make myself right before the Lord. One day, the Lord decided to speak and break down the veil that laid over my legalistic and breaking heart. He revealed to me that HE is enough! He paid the debt for all my sin and now I am called to live a NEW life fully led by the Spirit of God. A life in which I no longer hold the reins, but where God has complete control.
In this walk, the enemy tries his best to scheme and throw me off track. In fact, many times I have given into the lies of the enemy not realizing that he was the one speaking. I have found myself (like in my last post) not relying on the Lord's provision and will. I find myself seeking for goals and dreams that the Lord has given me, but in a way that brings discontentment for where I am now. The Lord has placed mighty dreams in my heart that have shaped who I am and the way I think, but because I am not seeing the fulfillment of these dreams as of yet, I often believe the lie that I am not doing all the Lord has planned for me. This brings shame and anguish into my heart.
After hearing Lee Lewis (one of my pastors at The Village Church) speak, I now have a mighty tool for holding steadfast against Satan's schemes. Lee talked about how at a certain point in his life, he sat down at a Starbucks to prepare for a day of ministry and all of a sudden he heard a voice (not audible) saying "I wonder if you could make another woman love you like your wife does?" Lee immediately knew this was an attack of the enemy and began to press into the Lord for strength and for Him to remove the voice. Additionally, Lee contacted via text several friends in order for them to pray for him and know what was going on. As Lee went about his day, the voice subsided. However, around lunch time he heard the same voice with a different message saying, "how can you be a spiritual leader for people and yet you struggle with temptation like this morning?" Again, Lee held steadfastly to the gospel believing that He was made right because of Christ and not because of any human act. He also knew that the voice this morning was Satan's scheme and not something Lee was actually struggling with. Instead of allowing the enemy an inch of ground, Lee stood strong knowing that he is a NEW man in Christ Jesus. The Lord has and continues to sanctify Lee so that he is able to stand on the truth of the gospel and proclaim it over himself daily.
This story spoke to me in mighty ways. I now know that I am able to stand firm against these voices that bring accusation and condemnation. They are not voices to be listened to or entertained, but rather voices that are to be stood up against knowing the truth of the gospel. May the gospel be the shaping tool for our lives, not a pursuit of perfection.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
First Time Blogger
So, this is my first time to ever blog. It feels a bit strange to just have my thoughts out there online, but I am being obedient to the Lord to not fear what others think. To start this blog, I would like to share my intent and purpose of blogging in the first place. I like to journal and read over old entries months or years later to see where the Lord has grown me and brought me through. It is a way to say thank you Lord for your faithfulness and a way to encourage my heart in prayer and the Christian life. I plan to share revelations, heartfelt moments, rebukes, the ugliness of my heart and so much more through this blog. My hope is that the Lord will be glorified by my writing and your reading.
My life's goal and desire is to serve the Lord in vocational ministry. To actually work either in a church or overseas as a missionary sharing the gospel with others and encouraging fellow believers in the faith. I have always had a passion for ministry and have focused my life toward that end. I attended Hardin-Simmons University and received a Bachelor’s Degree in Missions (Cross-Cultural Studies). Immediately following graduation, I married my best friend and high school sweetheart Michael who happens to be younger than I am. This basically means, he had not finished school by the time I graduated so the last four years of marriage have consisted of Michael taking part time to full time loads at school and working. In the meantime, after months of ministry job searching, I had to give in and begin a career in the apartment industry. I started out as a leasing agent and was promoted to property manager immediately following the birth of our first child. It has been neat to see how the Lord has used my property (we live onsite) as a ground for sharing the gospel and building up believers in the faith. We are home group leaders through our church and therefore use our free townhome to host our meetings, events, and hangouts. Additionally, we have had many neighbors join our group and get to know the believers in our home group. We are definitely where we are suppose to be even though it is not actual vocational ministry.
With that said, one of my biggest sin struggles is trusting the Lord for his provision of ministry. I focus so much on the fact that I am 4 years out of school and have yet to use my degree in a career type setting. Often this makes me feel like I must be too immature in my faith or not close enough to God. Additionally, it seems as though when ministry doors looks to be opening, they are immediately closed. This happened again this week and my heartfelt utterly crushed. Honestly, I broke down before the Lord and begged for forgiveness for the ungodly things I was thinking. I was thinking of my unworthiness (in Christ I have complete worth), my lack of financial success, my jealous heart for more, and how I felt like I would never be given the opportunity for ministry. After pouring myself out before the Lord, I immediately fell asleep utterly exhausted.
In the morning, the Lord gave me restored hope and grounded me back to the truth of the gospel. He reminded me that I am HIS...not my own. He has a purpose and a will that He truly is accomplishing in His timing. I am called to serve where I am, not in a future place. He reminded me of my only worth which is JESUS! Jesus has made me a new creation and a DAUGHTER OF THE KING! I need nothing else to have worth and nothing else can truly provide real worth. My hope is to hold steadfastly to these truths and rely on His mercy and timing in all things.
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