First Time Blogger

So, this is my first time to ever blog.  It feels a bit strange to just have my thoughts out there online, but I am being obedient to the Lord to not fear what others think.  To start this blog, I would like to share my intent and purpose of blogging in the first place.  I like to journal and read over old entries months or years later to see where the Lord has grown me and brought me through.  It is a way to say thank you Lord for your faithfulness and a way to encourage my heart in prayer and the Christian life.  I plan to share revelations, heartfelt moments, rebukes, the ugliness of my heart and so much more through this blog.  My hope is that the Lord will be glorified by my writing and your reading.

My life's goal and desire is to serve the Lord in vocational ministry.  To actually work either in a church or overseas as a missionary sharing the gospel with others and encouraging fellow believers in the faith.  I have always had a passion for ministry and have focused my life toward that end.  I attended Hardin-Simmons University and received a Bachelor’s Degree in Missions (Cross-Cultural Studies).  Immediately following graduation, I married my best friend and high school sweetheart Michael who happens to be younger than I am.  This basically means, he had not finished school by the time I graduated so the last four years of marriage have consisted of Michael taking part time to full time loads at school and working.  In the meantime, after months of ministry job searching, I had to give in and begin a career in the apartment industry.  I started out as a leasing agent and was promoted to property manager immediately following the birth of our first child.  It has been neat to see how the Lord has used my property (we live onsite) as a ground for sharing the gospel and building up believers in the faith.  We are home group leaders through our church and therefore use our free townhome to host our meetings, events, and hangouts.  Additionally, we have had many neighbors join our group and get to know the believers in our home group.  We are definitely where we are suppose to be even though it is not actual vocational ministry.

With that said, one of my biggest sin struggles is trusting the Lord for his provision of ministry.  I focus so much on the fact that I am 4 years out of school and have yet to use my degree in a career type setting.  Often this makes me feel like I must be too immature in my faith or not close enough to God.  Additionally, it seems as though when ministry doors looks to be opening, they are immediately closed.  This happened again this week and my heartfelt utterly crushed.  Honestly, I broke down before the Lord and begged for forgiveness for the ungodly things I was thinking.  I was thinking of my unworthiness (in Christ I have complete worth), my lack of financial success, my jealous heart for more, and how I felt like I would never be given the opportunity for ministry.  After pouring myself out before the Lord, I immediately fell asleep utterly exhausted.

In the morning, the Lord gave me restored hope and grounded me back to the truth of the gospel.  He reminded me that I am HIS...not my own.  He has a purpose and a will that He truly is accomplishing in His timing.  I am called to serve where I am, not in a future place.  He reminded me of my only worth which is JESUS!  Jesus has made me a new creation and a DAUGHTER OF THE KING!  I need nothing else to have worth and nothing else can truly provide real worth.  My hope is to hold steadfastly to these truths and rely on His mercy and timing in all things.